Documentary Recommendation When We Were Bullies

Okay, so let's talk about something a little… prickly. Have you ever watched a documentary and thought, "Hmm, this is good, but where's the oomph?" Or maybe you've seen something and felt a strange kinship with the… well, let's call them the 'misunderstood' characters?

I recently stumbled upon a documentary that really got me thinking. It's called "When We Were Bullies." Now, the title itself is a bit of a conversation starter, isn't it? It immediately conjures up images of playground skirmishes and maybe some regrettable teenage decisions.

But this film is more than just a look back at schoolyard antics. It's about how we, as humans, navigate those awkward, sometimes painful, past experiences. It’s a journey into the complicated feelings that can arise when you revisit your younger self and the people you were back then.

The director, Nancy Schwartzman, revisits a bullying incident from her own high school days. She tracks down the people involved, including the victim and, importantly, the bullies. Yes, the actual bullies. Imagine that.

And that’s where my own little (and possibly unpopular) opinion starts to bubble up. It's easy to point fingers, right? It's easy to label someone as a "bully" and then move on. But what happens when you actually sit down with that person decades later?

What does it look like when the adult version of the kid who maybe made your life miserable is now… just a regular person? They might have kids. They might have a mortgage. They might be really good at making sourdough bread.

This documentary doesn't excuse the behavior, not at all. Bullying is wrong, plain and simple. But it does delve into the why and the what happened next. It’s about the ripple effects, not just for the person who was targeted, but for the person who did the targeting.

Sometimes, I feel like we want our villains to stay villains. We like a clear-cut bad guy and a clear-cut good guy. It makes the story easier to digest. It makes us feel like the world is neatly divided.

But life, and by extension, documentaries that try to capture life, are rarely that simple. They’re messy. They’re full of gray areas. And "When We Were Bullies" dives headfirst into those gray areas.

I found myself surprisingly sympathetic at times. Now, before you grab your pitchforks, hear me out. I'm not saying I liked the bullying. Not at all.

But I did find myself understanding the sheer awkwardness of being confronted by your past self. The director is confronting her past, and in doing so, she's also confronting the people who were part of that past. And they're confronting her.

It's a multi-layered experience, and that's what makes it so compelling. You see the vulnerability on all sides. You see the regret. You see the awkward silences that speak volumes.

It made me think about my own past. Were there times I wasn't the nicest person? Absolutely. Did I regret things I did or said when I was younger? Probably more than I care to admit.

Most of us have probably had moments where we weren't our best selves. We were kids. We were figuring things out. Sometimes, we figured them out in not-so-great ways.

And then, we grow up. We learn. We hopefully evolve. But that past self, with all their imperfections, is still part of us.

The film highlights how easy it is for narratives to get stuck. Once you're labeled a bully, or a victim, it can be hard for that label to ever truly fall away, even as you change and grow.

Schwartzman’s approach is gentle, almost hesitant at times. She’s not looking for confessions or apologies in a dramatic, movie-of-the-week kind of way.

She’s looking for understanding. She’s looking for connection. She’s looking to close a chapter, or at least re-read it with a more nuanced perspective.

And that’s the part I find so refreshing. The film doesn't offer easy answers. It doesn't provide a neat, tidy resolution where everyone hugs and makes up.

Instead, it offers a more realistic portrayal of human interaction. It shows how difficult it can be to confront painful memories, both for the one who inflicted the pain and the one who received it.

I particularly enjoyed the moments where the former bullies seemed genuinely surprised by the director’s approach. They might have expected judgment, or anger, or at the very least, some dramatic confrontation.

But what they got was a curious, thoughtful individual wanting to understand the complexities of their shared history.

It’s a testament to the power of empathy, even when it’s directed at people who, by our societal standards, might not seem to "deserve" it.

Because here's my secret, slightly scandalous thought: what if understanding the bully doesn't mean condoning their actions?

What if it’s about acknowledging that they were also, at some point, just kids? Kids who might have been hurting, or insecure, or simply misguided?

This documentary is a masterclass in that kind of nuanced exploration. It forces you to look beyond the headline, beyond the label.

It encourages you to see the humanity in everyone, even those who have done things you might find unforgivable.

And that, I think, is a pretty powerful thing for a film to do. It challenges your assumptions. It makes you question your own black-and-white thinking.

So, if you're looking for a documentary that will make you think, that will make you feel, and that might just make you a little bit more forgiving of the flawed humans we all are, then I highly recommend "When We Were Bullies."

It’s not always comfortable, but it is, in my humble, slightly unconventional opinion, incredibly worth watching.

It's a reminder that even the most painful parts of our past can hold lessons, if we're brave enough to look.

And sometimes, those lessons come from the most unexpected places, and the most unexpected people.

So go ahead, give it a watch. And let me know if you, too, find yourself unexpectedly nodding along with the… well, with the former perpetrators.

It’s a wild ride, and you might just come out of it with a little more compassion for the entire human experience, flaws and all.

It's definitely a film that sticks with you, long after the credits roll.

And that, my friends, is the mark of a truly great documentary.